How do you simultaneously remember something forever and wish it never happened? I want to scream into a black hole, scream till I’m raw and then nothing. No echo. No reverberations. Like it never happened but that I still got that release. I guess it’s my version of living in a world with no repercussions. I want to eat a giant ice cream sundae but not experience the gastro-intestinal havoc of lactose intolerance. I want to feel the exhilaration of jumping off a building but not the gravity that brings it to a bone crushing end. I want to experience falling in love but not the falling out of it.
There are days when I just want to soak in it. Like it’s droplets of honey between my fingertips all sticky and sweet and impossible to untangle. I don’t know if I’m remembering it correctly. Is this love? You pull at the golden threads and they stretch and glisten in the sunlight. They catch a breeze and pull away from your fingers like kite strings. Honey gold. It’s everywhere. What a mess. Yeah, I guess it is.
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