Gusto ko

I started to think that living by process of elimination was the way to go. I'm not sure what I want, but I do know what I don't want. So all I have to do is pick out what I dislike and I should be left with something I can work with. Tonight I realized that POE might work when selecting what to eat for dinner, what purse to use, or what movie to see but not so much when selecting the person you want to be intimate with.

Some time long ago, I stopped letting myself want certain things in life because I thought it wasn't in the cards for me. So if I don't choose, I can't lose. Tonight I passively had him walk into my house and into my bed and into my arms but it didn't work. I eliminated other choices but it still didn't make him the right one.

Nasunog

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
Every time I read those lines, it's like I get the wind knocked out of me.

Who are you not to be?
Who are you?

I'm 32 years old. I have a successful career. A nice home to call my own. Friends. Family. Check. Check. Bedfellow. Previously checked.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

But what if my light just isn't strong enough? What if it's not the right light? What if I'm meant to light my way alone? Too many 'what ifs'. So I leave that match inside me unlit. There are other ones. Burnt already. Charcoal ends. Crumbles at the slightest touch.