Matulog

To sleep. Perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub.

Sometimes, all day long, all I want to do is stop right where I am (in the middle of a phone call, in the middle of washing dishes, in the middle of my commute to work) and just sink to the floor and fall asleep. It's all I can do sometimes to just get through whatever it is I'm in the middle of and not just close my eyes and drift off.

But then when the appropriate time presents itself (such as now), the urge to sleep escapes me. Runs from me like I run from the dark. Betrays me and leaves me bereft and inconsolable in my longing to be in its restful company. What a damn tease.

So I change my mind. I make the executive decision to go without. If sleep avoids me then I avoid it. I will myself into a new state of being that no longer requires the tedious task of the R.E.M. cycle to function. I am never too exhausted to be stubborn.

But tonight, I will settle for a stale mate.